First One

Hello, my name is Callie.

I'm a sophomore in University, and at the moment that is my main focus. I'm ambition driven, and I am a perfectionist when it comes to school, which is why I always make school my main focus.

Unfortunately, my perfectionism has never had a part in my feelings about my weight. I'm 5'5 and 180 pounds giving me a bmi of 29.5, which is dangerously close to obese. What more could anyone ask for as a motivator to lose weight, right? But no, apparently my weight is not a great enough motivator for me. I've tried so many times to finally lose weight and the closest I've ever gotten is losing 12lbs (except I've gained 2 of the 12 back). I know how to exercise and I know how to eat well, but somehow I can never get the two of them together or have the dedication to stick with a weight loss plan.

I need a diet that will keep me entertained and prevent me from getting bored. Now I'm not sure if this means I should have a super structured diet with lots of rules, or a diet with very few rules. All I know is I have the shortest attention span possible and I get bored very, very easily.

So why the hell would I plan to start a diet right before Christmas?

*Note: Just as I finished that sentence one of my friends dropped by to give me a Christmas gift... which was a box of chocolates. frig.

Why the hell am I starting a diet right before Christmas? I had an idea why and now it just seems crazy. Fuck.

I'll save that question for later on in this post. For now, I'll talk about me.

As I said I have serious commitment issues to weight loss plans, but I'm also extremely shy about going to weight loss group plans like weight watchers. I get anxious thinking about going to the gym at the beginning of an exercise plan because all I can think about is how everyone will be looking at me. I know it sounds crazy, but it really is true. I must have some type of social anxiety.

I also believe that I have an eating disorder. Not anorexia and not bulimia, but I do have weird tendencies around food. Like seriously messed up feelings that I've had since elementary school. For instance, anytime I eat a big meal at a restaurant I feel so guilty I spend as long as possible (without it being noticable) in the bathroom trying to throw up my meal. Sadly it is always unsuccessful. I wake up every morning telling myself that this is it. This is the day I eat healthy and start a diet. Honestly, I don't think I've ever eaten healthy a day in my life. By that I mean I always mess up. I always eat dessert or ice cream or chocolate or a hamburger. I'm just a big screw up when it comes to eating well.

And that's how I came to this. I truly believe that if I blog everyday and with the support from others, I could really lose weight. But there has to be rules that come with this blog:

1. I will blog everyday

2. I will be completely honest and never edit any part of this blog. If I type something down, I will not delete it. Everything you read in this blog are my exact thoughts word for word despite how confusing they may be

3. I will report my weight everyday

4. I will always say how much (or how little) I exercised

5. I will write down all "mess-ups"

6. I will delete comments that object to my "welfare"

Now that I have these rules, I'm thinking I should go for a diet with a lot of structure. Hmm this is tough. I may have to experiment with a few different diets.

Another thing I feel I should mention is that I live in residence. This means I do not have access to ANY kitchen appliances and have minimal funding for buying food. What I do have is a mini fridge and a temperamental microwave (affectionately dubbed "the devils span" by my floor) in my floor's lounge. It tends to sparatically catch on fire.

What else should you know about me? I enjoy swimming, running, kayaking and a good laugh. My friends are my life (I'll probably end up bitching about my problems with them in this blog). I'm in love with Christmas (although I hate the eating part) and I love makeup. I'm pretty good too, not makeup artist good, but I get a lot of compliments on my makeup. My financial state does tend to limit my possibilities though. I'm currently saving up for a coastal scents 88 palette of eyeshadows. Not that it's expensive, it's just that shipping doubles the price of the palette. I love lululemon and american apparel. I have a younger brother. My mom discusses my weight problems with me in front of strangers/friends/family and my dad likes to pretend that I'm still eleven. God I miss my dog. She's the only sane person in my family.

I'm off to plan a diet that is a) under 1200 calories b) involves excessive exercise

Good luck everyone!

Callie